Constraint (2)

As I'm thinking day by day, my mindset keep changing, like seeing things in negative way, then in positive way, then back in negative way.

But recently, when I was wondering, I come up with this idea. That even if religion is not a constraint, we still can not be the best version of us when we are together. I mean, even when we are in same religion, the relationship still does not work. Why?

Because I was too dominant in this relationship. That's the real constraint.

I was too dominant and also have trust issue. It leads to his feelings that he was not being respected. Tapi maksudnya bukan gue nggak respect banget, in terms of other aspect, I totally respect him and see him as a responsible men. But in terms of trust, gue bener-bener nggak bisa respect dan terus memberontak. That, at some point, hit his ego.

Cowok kan harga dirinya di cara dia menafkahi dan cara dia mendidik pasangannya. He knows too well that he can not control me, or even bikin gue sadar as he always said. While from my point of view, he does not have capability to make me trust him again, his word can not be trusted and it's true, it's proven even now. Also I feel that I am the one who take decision in this relationship, makannya sometimes gue merasa sewenang-wenang.

Padahal kenyataannya, he is the one who takes control and decision, he is the one who walk out and leave from this relationship. It was pretty cool sih memang karena akhirnya I realize that he can make his own decision without any hesitation.

Yha, jadi meski seagama tetap nggak akan ketemu titiknya. I need alpha men that can guide me and make me more mature and increase my understanding level, tapi tanpa menggurui.

We just simply not meant for each other.