Constraint

Suddenly wondering, is it true that the religion is the only constraint? Will everything change and become sweeter if we erase the constraint? Will you not being asshole for once if the constraint disappeared? Or after all, you are just a pure douchebag?

Before de javu happened, I talked to someone, telling him the story of my first heartbreak and how I'm coping with it, which is by accepting you back.

The conversation goes:

D: Aku sih kalau udah diselingkuhin ya ilang sayangnya. The fastest way to kill the love inside me is to cheat on me.

V: Hmm disagree cuz I do believe in second chance. Tapi kalau third and forth sih bye ya.

D: I do believe in that also. Masalahnya worth to give another chance or not. Udah sekali apa mungkin ga akan keulang lagi?

V: Kalau dipikir-pikir aku sama dia kan ya ga worth it lah karena ujungnya ga ada. The chance we can have happy ending is like 0,0000009%

D: Iya buktinya dia ga bertahan makannya ga worth it. Still. Banyak kok kenalan aku yang nikah beda agama. Banyak yang orangtua nya ternyata beda agama tapi rukun banget, bahkan minim ribut.

V: Worth it kok karena dia nunjukin effort that he cares and regrets what he is doing sih. He prove me kalau dia emang nyesel dan the affection that he give itu nyampeeee berkali lipat.

D: Ahh thats why you gave him another chance. Tapi the trust issue was already there makannya feel like hell.

V: YES!

D: But well dia nyerah duluan sekarang. Makannya aku bilang dia ga worth it karena awalnya udah nyerah.

V: Iya betul he decide to give up.

D: Ujungnya pasti cuma 1 pihak yang carry the relationship, and thats you.

V: Kalau dipikir memang bego but I regret nothing.

In that condition, I still defending you. Even our last relationship feel like hell, for both of us, still as I said, I regret nothing.

It's just too painful to watch now, but you know my curiosity is unbeatable. Please don't get me wrong, please live happily and move forward. We were just a past, with the stain that remain. Please stay away from this blog because I write not for seeking anyone attention, this is how I cope, this is how I keep memories and important life-events.

After de javu happened, I don't think the constraint is the problem. I think the constraint is just an excuse.